11/2/2020

Welcome to another mindfuck Monday. The only day where I sit and wait til about 7am to read a weekly newsletter by a best seller author who totally does not suck. Last week it was about saying how we should think governments should be boring yet effective. Politics should not be the newest installment of wrestle mania where the red team is fighting the blue team and what not. But in all seriousness this newsletter kicks ass because it takes a lot of research and creative writing to get the thing off the ground and now its around a year old and I cant wait to see it grow into something bigger. I have read the subtle art now for a third time and am into chapter two of y fourth read over. IN my Facebook memories today is the quote from the author stating “Whatever threatens your identity you will choose to avoid.” That quote stuck with me because I have to simply ask my self what is it that I am avoiding and what seems to be threatening my identity? There are also the sage wisdoms I learned from disappointment panda stating that problems don’t go away, everybody has problems, they merely are trans mutated into better or worse problems. Warren buffet has money problems so be it that the hobo down at the kwiki mart also has money problems its just that mark say’s warrens got the better problems then. The fact that earning an extra 10,000 dollars per year can help immensely if you are homeless but other wise if you just need to upgrade your fridge or whatever other material gain you need that extra money seems actually not as important as if you were living in the street. So be it. This type of attitude is the approach I have been taking into my recent job searches. The extra 40 hours full time isn’t as necessary to me seeing as I have food on my table so id glady as a happily fool mind you take a simple 1 to two six hour shift week. Although while working overnights I was averaging 24 hours per week doing 3 8 hour overnight shifts a week and the income bought me things I needed. You know, alcohol to kill those things inside me that need to die and about two packs of cigs a day I need because I am a hopelessly addicted to Nikki. That the logic song. Any way I think I am praying to hear from my hiring manager who says hell speak to the boss about getting me into doing carts or seeing where we go from here. He seemed very chill and open to the idea of asking what is was I wanted. So I am hopefull I can get a few shifts to stay afloat and keep my head above water with certain financial priorities I have. Such as paying back a friend and earning an extra 50 bucks to make up what I may need to owe in rent and other luxuries that my food stamps wont afford me.

Should I turn this personal journal into a blog post where I regularly rant about whats going on in my sick mind and then hope to find an audience that would read my writings?

Yesterday I made a weird Halloween themed post with a fictional scene using nightmare before Christmas characters and a theme song from a movie. Any long form content is better than what a simple meme could express I suppose. I love how mark sold all of his possessions and then moved to south America. I agree that its up there on a high list of not giving a fuck. I hope he doesn’t sue me for expressing his views in my writing because that’s were a lot of my research has been coming from lately. That and just two or three quotes from Noam Chomsky’s 1996 book “understanding power”. The quotes I use really make me seem like some sort of radical liberal. I mention the studies based around religion in industrialized society, the James Madison founding and failed principle of the “Minority of the opulence”, then probably just some conspiracy about mercenary’s being sent to Harvard or a cold war era threat of military intervention in Cuba and how the military went to a level 5 code red with the help of one simple soldier going apeshit. This book was written in the 90’s and I dot even know whats going on in modern day society exceptions being that I think they mandated wearing mask’s in public, and they want everybody to vote. So im covered because I have a covid mask and because I casted in my vote already. So happy I am able to have to express my right and civic duty that is participating in government by voting. On my list of not giving a fuck was packing up all my shit and moving to Pennsylvania. Without the guidance of parents and the ever annoying nag of the step monsters the only real pressure and drama is that my sister is my only lifejacket and person whom on I can heavily rely. Unlike being at artspace the apartment is less big and there isn’t a full kitchen or two bedrooms but at least taxes are lower and rent is cheaper. Sometime before this big move of mine happened I was looking into applying for a section 8 voucher so I can afford to live in a one bedroom unit at artspace which would have been preferred to being stuck here in marshalls creek PA. But its still fascinating to wake up every day and think two profound questions. Where the fuck am i? How the fuck did I end up here? But at least I can say I am having a decent time.

Today I got to give a huge thanks to my big sis because she spent money to get me groceries so I can have things like water for survival and coffee as a luxury and hot pockets and soups if I get too hungry. And because my food stamps ran out she’s been telling me too ration out and plan what ill be spending on food so this way I can actually make it through a whole month and have enough food and drinks for myself. So I should really open an excel spreadsheet and plan out which days im going shopping and how much I should spend on each trip. But to me that seems weirder than just buying cheap stuffs and not overdoing it with the red bulls.

If you actually really do know me in real life than you know I smoke cigarettes way too much, I have a weird hope in making my own shitty music that I put in SoundCloud and Spotify and that I drink red bulls way too much. Also I hate tomatoes on my spicy chicken sandwiches. But those sandwiches are my favorite kind.

So whats on your list of things you didn’t give a fuck when you did? Why do Fridays remind me that the weekend is here but is over way to fast. On Friday is when they wrapped Jesus up in linens and three days later was risen.

I’m not even going to try. I’m just going to chug this second or third cup of coffee and keep on typing. Something good should come from it. Yesterday I was ranting in a writing where I was explaining why its so hard to be addicted to something like cigarettes for example even if you cant afford them. I explained how I was thinking about getting rolling papers and top tabaco in a bag or a bag and a pipe. Because then in effect that would be less expensive than buying them for the wholesale price of an arm a leg and a lung. Back when I worked at shoprite doing carts I remember how inconsiderate people were putting their baskets back when they were done shopping. After working for five hours straight of collecting carts the night wouldn’t end and I would wind up with setting my own personal record of pushing back 40 (Yes I counted 40 shopping carts) all lined up in a row back into the carousel. Not to mention it was the end of the night I was all alone and still had to empty the bottle returns of cans glass and plastic back into the truck on the other side of the building and then empty and replace the garbage’s of which the compacter is all the way in the back of the store, all before my shift was over in a short time. If people were more considerate they would return the carts were they found them and I wouldn’t been having to run around like a maniac collecting 20-40 rows of carts all at once people people are just so savage. That was the worse but best job I have ever had. It was the best because I was outside all day long and I didn’t really have to answer to anyone beside the random walkie talkie checks where they needed help at customer service. Then there I could listen to soundcloud on my phone and just wonder around the parking lot collecting carts all the time. Then I would even just take a smoke and chill and buy a drink randomly and just make sure the work was done in time for the end of my shift. It was redundant and the other clerks had trouble when they were doing shifts closing all alone but I loved it. Its just the record setting day when turkey time was rolling around that I hated it. One day I just gave out, puked and went home. Then I had a fight with my step-father and then come to think of it I just never ended up going back. It was shit. Chug’s second cup of coffee *

At least I wrote another page. NO matter how unimportant it may seem I knew just typing away would result in something good. I got too complain about a job I don’t even have anymore. If I put more energy into talking about how fucking awesome I am I think things would be better. I wanted it to be five pages but here I am at 1,742 words and six pages double spaced listening to the meat puppets, ranting, not giving a fuck and just chillen you bitch ass bitch. Would you a like a, a cookie? This is excellent. I cant wait for tomorrow because it’s the third. And three is an excellent number. IF they put on lithium radio and get all grungy just tell them that you cannot kill the metal. The metal comes from hell and you cannot destroy, defile, smite down or otherwise smash said metal. Blog over. Stick it in the pipe and smoke it.